Right Thing
by Tonks32
Summary: Shepard has found a moment of solitude to ponder the question of if he is doing the right thing when it comes to leaving earth.


Another short snippet I found in an old notebook. I do not have a beta for Mass Effect so there will be mistakes. I am actually looking for someone to beta some mass effect stuff including this story so I can repost with any corrections and a few more small stories I have to type. PM if you're intrested! Anyways, hopefully you can see past the mistakes and enjoy this story!

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><p>"EDI," Ashley called out once she stepped onto the elevator. Shepard's quarters were empty as well as all of his other dwelling places.<p>

"Yes Ashley," The AI cheerfully replied in her lushes voice Traynor and most likely Joker loved.

"Can you locate Commander Shepard for me?"

"Certainly."

When EDI went silently. Ashley focused on the control panel trying to guess what the commander went to. She couldn't even begin to fathom the type of pressure he was feeling or how he could even handle the enormous weight that had been placed on his shoulder. Of course she didn't help the matter when she pointed her gun at him and question his loyalty. AGAIN! It had been almost a week and she still couldn't sleep knowing how close she came to shooting the man she loved.

"Lieutenant." EDI came over the comm, "I am sorry. I cannot locate the Commander. It seems he has turned off his comm and omni-toll so I cannot locate his life signs."

"Thanks anyway EDI."

"Would you like me to ask the crew if they have seen him?"

"No." That would just stir questions on why she was trying to find Shepard in the first place. Ashley hit the crew deck floor and started her hunt for the commander.

It took Shepard a while, but eventually he found a nice quite spot he knew no would come looking for him. He had left his omi-tool and comm. Turned off and in his quarters just in case EDI found a way to turn them back on. In his hiding spot, he now could see why Jack loved this space so much. Under all the stairs he could barely hear when the door opened or the footsteps on the metal grated stairs. The cot wasn't the greatest, but it was a lot better than the ground. None of it mattered really because all he wanted was just a few moments to himself. No orders to issue, people or plants to save, and most importantly no pressure of the weight of his responsibility. Just for a few precious moments the galaxy wasn't crashing down around him.

Exhausted, Shepard rubbed his face his fingers trailing along the fresh lines of scars due to complications of his cybernetics. The doc warned him that if he didn't start taking care of himself that thin redline would start to spear. IF he didn't stop his rash thinking and destructive behavior those lines were going to grow ragged and wider along with other side effects. Just another reminder of what this war was going to him. He was turning back into the ruthless marine he was before Eden Prime. Before meeting Ashley Williams.

That fateful meeting on that planet, Ethan Shepard had become merciless, sacrificing anyone and everyone for the sake of getting a mission done. A trait he developed from all those years on the streets of New York doing whatever it took to survive just day to day. Ashley, with the help of the original Normandy crew, helped him realize there was another way to approach life. That not everything was cut throat and to the death as he was lead to believe. They helped him see that reasoning could be accomplished without smashing his fist into someone's face. A simple concept that was strange to him, but in the end found that the new way worked just as well if not better in some situation. And it wasn't all lost. Shepard smiled at the thought that when talking with a certain reporter didn't work his crew looked the other way when a certain habit of his came out.

"Hey."

Shepard didn't look up at the she sound of Ashley's voice, just continued to stare at Jack's name that was carved into the hull over head. "How'd you find me?"

Ashley stepped off the last stair, "well I check all your usually hide outs and then started to think outside the box. Joker had mentioned this spot when talking about Jack." Sensing how he wanted space, the LT hoisted herself up one of the crate across the room. "What are you doing, Skipper?"

The Commander shrugged his shoulders, "thinking about the meaning of the universe, life, and all that jazz."

"42." The answer got a small twitch of a smile from the man at their own private joke. It took a lot of coaxing and bargaining to get the great Ethan Shepard to watch the old vid Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy with her. Ashley tried to remember when the last time she saw him truly smile. "Talk to me Ethan."

Hearing his first name, Shepard closed his eyes to savor it. The name was so rarely used that sometimes forgot it existed. It was always Commander, Shepard, solider, savior, traitor. Never Ethan. She was the one that usually called him that and had several different ways of saying it. Like this way. When she said his name like that it meant that she was not going anywhere and that he couldn't brush her off. Not until he told her what was going on. "Am I doing the right thing?"

"Right think?" Ashley echoed in need of clarification.

"Everything inside of me is screaming to go back to earth. To get down in the trenches and fight on the front lines. Instead, I'm zipping across the galaxy playing fucking peace maker so I can get the support to help Earth. I'm playing mediator and settling century old grudges while there are men dying by the hundreds trying to fight an enemy that can't be beaten. So is this the right thing to do? Leaving my world behind to burn while servicing others?"

"With out their support Earth is gone. The Galaxy as we know it is gone." Ashley softly pointed out even though she agreed with his way of thinking. As a born solider it killed her to be so far away from her brother and sister in arms were lying down their lives.

"Why me?" Shepard's voice broke with silent tears, "what make me so God damn special? Why am I safe up here while good men are dying?"

Seeing the single tear slid down from the corner of his eyes made Ashley bolt to his side no longer waiting for an invitation. Since the first day upon the Normandy Shepard always struggled with the weight of his divines. He hated that people treated him like he was some type of god. HE was a man. Just a simple solider. He bled and hungered just like every other damn human. He never understood while he was entrusted to do the impossible day after day. Ashley had tired her best to help him ease that feeling in any way she could because there was nothing she could do to help him bare it. "Like it or not Ethan James Shepard, you're a hero to species all over the galaxy. When the odds are against you, you seem to always find a way to prevail no matter what the cost is. And to all those soldiers fight for Earth you are a symbol of hope. Knowing you're out here gathering allies gives them strength to fight another day."

"So many won't see another day." He whispered using all his willpower to reject her and her comfort. The fight didn't last very long.

Ashley scooted onto the cot so Shepard could bury his face in her stomach. "It's a war, Ethan. Many are going to die before the end of this. A war you tried to warn people about so the blood of the dead is on their hands, not yours."

"Every time I close my eyes I see the faces of all those we've lost. I hear their voices in my dreams." For the first time in a long while, Shepard removed his mask to allow her to see the scarred man underneath. "I can't sleep. I'm too afraid."

Ashley tightened her arms around him as she pressed her face into his raven colored hair. A part of her wanted to breakdown with him because it hurt to see him like this. She couldn't. She had to remain strong because for so long that had been Shepard's job. Now it was time for her to stand up and take the job. "I was born on an outpost." She blurted out steering the conversation in another direction. "Dad was three weeks away from taking some shore leave so he could take Mom on a vacation somewhere. I think they talked about going to Earth, but they didn't count on me showing up early. Dad was out doing drills and nearly missed the birth."

"Ashley Williams does everything on her own terms," Shepard smiled against her stomach, "even coming into the world."

"Dad should have known I was going to be a handful then."

"I knew it after five seconds of meeting you while you were still dodging bullets." He let out a yelp of pain in response of her twisting his ear. "Your dad must have been a saint to handle you Williams women."

"He never won an argument."

A comfortable silence fell between them until Shepard decided to break it, "I always wondered what it would have been like to have a real family growing up."

Ashley struggled to make no movements or sound of surprise. Ethan Shepard never talked about his life before joining the Alliance and she never pressed knowing it wasn't a good point in his life. "Was there no on?"

"My parents gave me up the moment of my first breath and never looked back. I lived in several group homes and had a few fosters before I just hit the streets."

"Did you ever try to find your parents?" Ashley wondered. Where they alive now after the attack on earth? Did they know what they gave up? Did they even wonder about him after giving him up?

"I thought about it." Shepard shifted so his head was in her lap and he could look up at her. She looked dead tired and he realized in his selfishness haze he had ignored everyone else's pain and suffering. "When you're in the system you began to fantasize about who your parents could be. A solider, a billionaire, professional sports player, or even the president of Earth. In the end you rather not know because all tyou ever find is disappointment. That most likely your parents were just average Joe's and Jane's and could never live up to your expectations."

"How old were you when you hit the streets?"

"Eight."

"Eight?"

"My fosters were trying to whore me out for their drug habits." Shepard eyes sprang opened in shock at how easily he offered the information. Only two people knew anything about his early life. Especially about this particular time and point.

Ashley just stroked his thick mane of hair.

"I vowed after the first time they 'rented' me out to feed their drug habit that I would let it happen again. But I wasn't the only one in the house." He leaned into her touch trying to draw strength to finish. "So I stayed until I could get them out."

"Where?"

"Some on the streets to people who wouldn't hurt them. One back into the system in hopes he'd have better luck. They tried to put me back in and that's when I ran." Shepard shifted uncomfortably, "I had to endure behind sold for six months. I always made sure they never touched the others. Fosters were convinced I like it, eventually made me think the same thing."

Ashley stilled her hand repulsed not at what had been done to him, but by those horrible excuse of human. "I don't believe that and nether should you. You never went willingly-…"

"I fought every single time!" Shepard's voice sounded so small and far away. "I fought until I bled then I fought some more. Most of the time they had to dope me. Just enough so that I couldn't fight back, never enough to help me escape into my mind. They wanted me to feel everything."

"Never ever think for a moment they were right. You did it to spare those children the pain. You protected them by any means necessary." Ashley trailed her fingers over the thin scar along his jaw. "You still do it every day."

"What kind of person would I be if I left helpless kids to such a horrible fate?"

"That's why you're a good man, Ethan. That's why this war needs you and any like you. Your actions five us unfathomed hope there is still good in this wretched galaxy."

"I never told anyone that before." Shepard was afraid to look up at her because he didn't want to see pity in her eyes. "Must change the way you look at me."

"Ethan." Placing a hand on his cheek, she forced his gaze to hers. There was nothing but love and admiration in her soft brown eyes. "The only thing that has changed is that I respect you more for what you've gone through. That you didn't let it completely break you."

"I broke a part of me." Shepard confessed. "From that moment on I did whatever it took to survive. I became cold hearted and ruthless. The Reds made me that and it followed me into the alliance. I never got the whole one for all stuff. I just did what it took to get the job done no matter what the cost."

"It was all you ever knew." Ashley whispered.

"Until you." He confessed taking her by surprise, "until that crew that became my family."

She traced one of the glowing scars that ran along the curve of his cheek, "this war is bringing out the worst in all of us, Ethan. For god shakes I held a gun on you. You-…"

"Ash."

"No it's not okay." Ashley felt tears burn the back of her throat. "There should have been no doubt. Going back to Horizon I should have known that you'd never work for Cerberus without a damn good reason."

"Ashley." He reached a hand to her face, "It's over and done with. From this moment on I just want to let it go. There is so much uncertaincy with this war I don't want to spend time drowning in guilt. I just want to spend it with you."

"Ethan."

"Anyway I can get. I can't imagine what you went through those two years and I understand if you-…"

"God I love you so much Ethan Shepard." Ashley confessed cutting off his rambling. For the first time since leaving earth, his face lit up completely with happiness. Smiling, she pressed her lips to his, "I wanted to tell you that night on Ilos, but I was so sure we had time."

"We both did." Shepard cupped the back of her head and drew her back down, "I love you, Ash."

"Now we have so little time."

"I can't believe that." He brushed his nose against hers, "I have to believe that we will win. That there is a life waiting for us after all this. It's what keeps me fighting. You keep me fighting."

"Then promise me something." She grasped his face between her hands, "that we do this together. That when it comes time to finally send the Reapers to hell that I'll be by your side."

"Ashley." Being by his side would most like result in death. He thought of her family and what losing her would do to them. Could he be that selfish?

Ashley wouldn't let him retreat from the question even it was unfair of her to do. "Promise me Ethan."

"Okay." Shepard agreed, "together."

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><p>So tell me what you think? Would you guys like more Shepard Ashley moments? I know I have a bunch of them in notebooks! Let me know what you think?!<p> 


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